You’re unconsciously putting people in boxes
Charli XCX recently wrote a blog post about the highs and perils of stardom. Charli’s account is fascinating, but one thing she wrote about that really struck me is the fact that people try to put her in a box. Preferably small, simple, and easy to pop open like a Pringles can.
I know, this is not a unique insight. But there is a consequence to this, which is a helpful reminder.
Yes, it’s very common for people to place simple labels on others for the sake of ease and communication. It’s easy to call Nigel Farage “the man who campaigns against immigration”, or to see David Attenborough as “the nature person”. We all know there is more to people, but we do it anyway.
Unfortunately, Charli XCX is a victim of not fitting into a simple box. If she dresses in a very provocative or attractive way, she’s called a slut; if she does things that even slightly derail from a completely moral stance, then she’s seen as a deviant. Simplicity over complications, always. Charli points towards sexism in her piece:
“We are still trained to hate women, to hate ourselves and to be angry at women if they step out of the neat little box that public perception has put them in. I think subconsciously people still believe there is only room for women to be a certain type of way and once they claim to be one way they better not DARE grow or change or morph into something else.”
And fans do not notice they are doing that, all the time. This is partly a story on sexism, and partly about how people package others into neat little bits of information, as digestible as a hobnob.
This struck me because I fall into the same trap nearly every day, unconsciously. I read the news, take a cursory glance through the headlines and the people, and I make swift judgment calls every single day. If Farage announces X, then I go “obviously,” and move on. That’s not out of laziness, but for ease (and perhaps my sanity). It’s not often that these judgements are actively challenged, even by myself, unless there’s an ongoing debate between friends.
Charli’s article reminds me that this is something unconscious that I do, and perhaps I need to shake it out of myself. Like it or not, the people I dislike most might actually be good company over a pint; and the people I respect most might have a secret email account where they send illicit messages to shadowy figures.
And this idea stretches to ideals, too. I have seen many times where people read articles on politics or social issues, and do not even entertain the other side. People read disparaging articles about Harry and Meghan, and never step over the one-inch wall at the Daily Mail comments section. Others dismiss Reform, but perhaps wrap tape over their eyes as they ignore the anger brewing in the UK. Even these two examples may elicit a reaction from you, reader. But it is in that uncomfortable space - that grey field full of sharp words - that we could shake hands and step forward with (potential) consensus.
